Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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