do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
