If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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