I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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