I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
