Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
