so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
