Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
