Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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