ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just googled if crying burns calories
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
