I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
