Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
