the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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