True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
