it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
