You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
