I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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