So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
