So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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