if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
