I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
