the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
