that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
