He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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