I just saw a hot homeless man
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
