you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
