erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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