Fine. I'll sleep in my office
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize