I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
