smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
