Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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