I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
