Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
