kristin has been a bad kristin
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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