I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
