Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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