I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
