yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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