She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
