She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
