I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
