I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
