happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
