This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
