he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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