You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
