So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
