Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
