she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
