that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
