Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Shame - the story of my life.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
