you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
