You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
