YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
