Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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