There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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