You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
