The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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