u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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