I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
