mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
false alarm. still invincible.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
