Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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