I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
