he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
