sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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