I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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