she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
