I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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