21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize