We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize